There is a definite pleasure in saying nasty and unjust things while quarreling. They are said so inspirationally that seem to be prophecies. Actually they are nourished by belief that the partner is nasty and unjust by himself. That is why (s)he is possible to behave with this way, beautifully and proudly throw into his/her face what you don’t really think of him/her. (S)he will remember those things and will suffer. But you did not really mean them, you just stroke an attitude and pontified. Next time (s)he will recoup. Those quarrels in relations follow in chains, develop like a rhizome. And you can finally find yourself living for the sake of them, they give a creative impulse. A Greek tragedy, I would say.
When stones of authority drop out of the building of relations (we push them out ourselves with quarrels and bad habits demonstrating inability to keep control over ourselves) they need to be replaced with something if want these relations to maintain. And they are replaced with duty which kills the ecology of relations, because authority is a desire, but duty is fear. So people who can’t control themselves make their partners unhappy. Love is replaced with pity, respect is replaced with fear, care is replaced with indulging weaknesses.
There’s no need for finding out who started first. If you need relationship hold that it were you who started.
If a person can’t develop newly formed relations there is an absolute probability that (s)he has slipped off the sex to “attention” (that is routine, complaints and offenses) too early and quickly.
A little jealousy is healthy for a jealous person. It helps maintaining concentration. Another issue is that there is only one step from “a little” to “too much”.
Shouting in relations may not manifest the desire to be understood but a childish wail of loneliness. So when a partner is shouting at you try coming closer. Or on the contrary disappear from his or her sight, in nine situations out of ten (s)he will follow you stomping loudly or will even burst into tear of resentment and anger.
Imagine there is “a wood” in front of you, a period of your lifetime you want to travel through with someone as lonely travel is difficult. And together you start your way along a path as it looks like.
And suppose for some reason you go astray and find yourselves in a swamp. Relationship has deadlocked; there is no way out of it. So the tasks you entrusted it with are not performed any more. You knock about and quarrel with your partner; together you need to go back to the beginning, but you can’t be bored, you regret the time spent and the only thing you want is to blame.