There is a definite pleasure in saying nasty and unjust things while quarreling. They are said so inspirationally that seem to be prophecies. Actually they are nourished by belief that the partner is nasty and unjust by himself. That is why (s)he is possible to behave with this way, beautifully and proudly throw into his/her face what you don’t really think of him/her. (S)he will remember those things and will suffer. But you did not really mean them, you just stroke an attitude and pontified. Next time (s)he will recoup. Those quarrels in relations follow in chains, develop like a rhizome. And you can finally find yourself living for the sake of them, they give a creative impulse. A Greek tragedy, I would say.
“Love” inflamed by hurt caused by someone is a desire for revenge (hidden from oneself) by hitting where it hurts the most. Most often, this desire attaches to the offender none the worse.
We do not react to the pain a partner feels when we hurt him, we do not see and feel this pain. We react to his reaction. That is why words of sympathy sound so empty sometimes.