There are no relations or parting that are forever. “Forever” requires extraordinary hard efforts.
Many people are afraid to discuss with a partner the most important thing in relations. It can be easily understood as the most important in relations is the fact that they will end one day. It is frightful to live in this dazzling awareness.
If relations in their development are thought of as of palette it will be clear that different people prefer different colours: someone likes sitting and waiting for a beginning, someone wants the falling love period to last longer, someone strains after the moment when it is all “serious”, someone gets stuck with difficulties of dividing power, someone lives being surrounded by unfaithfulness, some people break up all the time, some cry over their past.
People who have never been in stable relations think that relations are bread and stability is butter. That it is vice versa. Stable relations are when you should live with somebody every day and every night for a long-long-long time, wherein this somebody should not possibly suffer.
Trust is being viewed as a kind of result, but actually it is a process, an investigation process, I would say. It is a test whether one can be trusted or not. Say, you come to a restaurant you don’t know anything about and order food. It is credit. When I finish eating I will understand whether they can be trusted or not. Credibility is when you haven’t understood from the first time and come for the second time. But you do not have trust so far.
When a person is said he does not trust it is the same as saying he does not taste. Trust is the mechanism of tasting the world for its friendliness. When a person has stopped trusting it is as if (s)he has understood everything. That is why “restoring trust” means “recommencing trials”.
I used to think that a person should be kicked in the right way – and he will fly over into the life track more comfortable for him and his relations.
I still agree with it with one caveat: “a kick” is million actions – you persuade, scare, lead by the hand, drag, leave in the middle of the road in a fit of anger, come back, swear, pull, lose hope, then lose patience, endlessly train your flexibility, rarely feel joy… until in couple years you are surprised to see that the impossible has come true. Probably this is love.
But more often you are already not acquainted by that time.
A person is motivated with stability on a flat plateau of permanent relations. But when relations start molding (s)he has to make a hell of a jump, a jump to freedom, not alone but together with relations. It is really the shakes.
Those who have put experiments know that reviving sex does not mean reviving relations, it is on the opposite rather often. It is like dancing on the ruins. Generally nothing deep enough can be built on sex (but it does not negate pleasure, of course).
I have decided to write this article as, firstly, many people were and still are (and will ever be, until the end of time, unless they evolve into a different form of living matter) very inattentive to each other. Secondly, even when people notice something in each other they tend to misinterpret it.
Continue reading 10 Signs of Cool Down in Relations
How can one “leave the past in the past”? The past is not a bag that one can throw to the ground and walk away. Neither it’s hair which can be cut off. The past can be left in the past only if you find a use for it. It’s like oil that came out of the ground in the garden: bad for the harvest, but you can derive a benefit. The same with the past: it must be disposed intelligently, rather than thrown away.